Señor Sex Pages:

Summer do's
and don'ts:

Do:

Have sex
Have more sex
Have even more sex
Tan
Swim
Sex while swimming
Swimming while having sex
Sex while very wet
Towel sex
Wear tight, light clothes
Ask out the most attractive person you see
Wear protection, even in the summer
A little more sex

Don't:

Forget the clitoris!
Wear too much clothes
Spend your summer on the computer (unless you're reading Señor Sex
Get sunburned
Have a Summer Fling without protection
Forget to send photos to El Señor

Much is afoot this month, my beloveds.
With spring and summer merging into a beautiful season, I can see the way beautiful ladies are shedding the heavy clothes of winter and baring all for that unforgiving sun.
And I can see the young men wearing their little mesh shirts and speedos as they prepare for the long hot summer ahead. Yes, that's right, my readers -- it's hormone season!
So, what to do to prepare for the summer?
First, start working out now. If you want to look good for the beach, the pool or the bedroom, trim up a bit. Gents, according to Playboy, tight squared little swimsuits are in this year. You don't want to be the only one at the beach sporting a floppy package, do you?
More importantly, this is the time for the famous Summer Fling©.
Ask that person out that you've been afraid to approach. Take out a personal ad.
If you're in a relationship, plan a picnic and install a ceiling fan in the bedroom for those hot, sweaty nights of passion.
Summer is traditionally the time to let loose and burn off all that energy you've been storing all winter.
And what better way to do that than sex?
New this month: my Web lackeys are trying to install a chat room. If this works, I'll be making appearances there and you can ask me question directly. We'll schedule times for these chat sessions that don't interfere with my rigorous schedule of sex or my editing of the forthcoming books, I'm So Big, I Have Five-Skin! and The Schlong, Lonely Road.
Keep sending your questions to senor@senorsex.com, my address, and I will get to it as soon as I can.

The chatty,
Señor Summery

For more information on auto-fellatio, and fellatio in general, read Señor Sex #10 and Señor Sex #17.

Self-fellatio. I want to learn how to do it.

Señor Sex responds:

For some time, men debated on whether or not this was possible. The answer is simply, yes, it is possible, but some contortion talent is required.
If you're serious about this, work at getting very flexible. A chiropractor or physical therapist can probably teach you some stretching techniques. Then follow Sr. Sex's regular dick-sucking advice (er ... advice on dick sucking) listed at the links to the left. Be careful -- many men have slipped a disc or two trying to reach themselves.
Oh, and here's something the ladies may not tell you -- you may taste terrible! Make sure you have some flavored lotions or some sort of lubricated foodstuff to make yourself more palatable.
Remember -- you're all alone, so fulfill your needs. And don't be a bastard and forget to call yourself the next day and say what a great night you had.

The flexible,
Señor Slinky

My woman and I are quite sexually active. No problem there. The dilemma is that she has never had an orgasm. Ever. Not even through masturbation (so she tells me). This is starting to get on my nerves. Though we are both 21-years-old, we shouldn't have any problems with this, should we? It's not like I have ever run into this kind of problem before, and I've had many other women in the past. I think we've tried every position in the book. What can I do?

DP3 Mark XXXXXX
USS (Ship and name withheld for national security purposes)

Señor Sex responds:

Wait... you're on a U.S. Navy ship. Are you sure this is a woman? Because that could be your whole problem right there.
More to the point, are you sure it's regulation for you to be with this woman? Not that I'd judge, but it's something to consider.
Some women just have trouble achieving orgasms. Putting pressure on the situation won't help. Also, who knows if all these "many other women" have come with you. Maybe they were just being polite. Maybe they wanted you to finish so they could watch Seinfeld.
Either way, the best thing to do is relax and talk to your partner. Get her to relax and just keep trying. The better and more exciting foreplay is, the more chance she'll succumb to a violent, thrashing Big "O."
Remember this -- women have different kinds of orgasms. Some women get off on direct clitoral stimulation while other women can have orgasms from regular intercourse and from having the infamous "g-spot" deep inside stimulated. Some women can have both kinds of orgasms. Explore the possibilities. If you aren't hitting the g-spot, try positions that accentuate that. If she responds to manual clitoral stimulation, try incorporating that into intercourse.
Remember – all women are different. Try a variety of things before you give up. And don't ever compare her to past lovers to her face. (Many women who can't have orgasms are intimidated when you tell them, "Well, I didn't have this problem with other women!")
Good luck, my sailing friend.
Read more in Señor Sex #16 about women trying to achieve orgasms.

The Original Great Lustful Man of the Sea,
Señor Sailor

He writes:
Dear Señor Sex,

I have a problem, and would like to ask you something. I've known for years that there are surgical ways in which to achieve a bigger and "better" size. Do you know what type of surgery this would be? And what are the results?
Could someone also have a surgery to let your penis be less sensitive, therefore, last longer? You know, it can be embarrassing sometimes, and I guess if there were ways, I'd do almost anything! Thanks for your attention Señor Sex.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Señor Sex responds:

Don't do it! Try that vacuum pump or something, but don't do surgery.
Still not convinced? Okay, here's a common surgery to enhance penis size: they make an incision beneath the scrotum (the balls sack without one) and cut a ligament, thus letting more of the hairy monster out.
This, however, tends to leave the penis sagging downward and makes your mike less effective even when rigid. Not a good thing.
Although some surgeons claim a nice success rate, there have been numerous reports out that say this is just plain unsafe and, unless you're very very desperate, your chances of coming out of it deformed are too great. Wait a few years and maybe they'll perfect a laser surgery that can make you a Mighty Man.
As for the girth of your giant, it's possible to have fat sucked out of your body (your buttocks, for instance) and injected into your penis. Many reports say this often leads to an uneven distribution, resulting in a lumpy lumberjack. No reports yet on whether normal intercourse could be considered "anal sex" after this procedure.
Become comfortable with your natural resources and try a cream for sensitivity.

The satisfied,
Señor SCHLONG!

M.C.

Señor Sex responds:

As I've mentioned in other responses to letters about virginity, pain is normal the first time, even if it lasts a while. You may just be naturally small. Time should heal this. But since it's only occasional, it sounds more like a lube problem. Maybe you are still nervous or uncomfortable (even subconsciously). Try lots of foreplay and a water-based lubricant like KY-Gel.
And remember, foreplay can also include touching yourself. It's great that you're so in tune with yourself. Use that. Gently show or tell your boyfriend what works. Learn together.
As I said before in this issue, many women can only have clitoral orgasms. If this is the case with you (if normal vaginal intercourse can't make you come no matter how hard you try), incorporate clitoral stimulation when you have sex. You can lend a hand here yourself.
Again, don't get too stressed over it. Sounds like you've got a good relationship. Enjoy it!
By the way -- for you women out there who suspect your boyfriend may be cheating ... the 10 shades of guilty described in the letter above is not grounds for incrimination.

The Expert,
Señor Sex

My wife and I were talking about my wish to see her pussy shaved. She agreed to do it, but we don't know how to shave it safely and comfortable for her.
Can you tell me how to shave her pussy?

Thank you,
Fernando

Another reader writes:

Señor Sex,

I want to shave my girlfriend's pubic hair. Can you give me any helpful hints on how to do it?
Please don't print my email address.

Chuck

Señor Sex responds:

Ah. The old clean-shaven club.
For centuries men couples have explored the art of shaving. In olden times, ("Olden Times" are officially known as 23 B.C. to 1939) couples would take a sharp straight edge and go to town. A lot of injuries and senseless mutilation happened during this time period.
What many sociologists fail to recognize is that the 1940s-1950s "Baby Boom" coincided directly with the invention of safety razors.
But I digress. Many couples like the feel of bald, sensitive skin against skin without the problems and tangles associated with hair getting in the way.
First – a word of advice to the women involved. It's probably going to itch really badly when it grows back (if you let it grow back). However, some women really enjoy the newly intense feeling of their panties, lover's touch, and the cool razor against hairy flesh.
Just be gentle when shaving. Follow these directions:

1. Use lots of hot water and/or shaving cream to soften the hair.
2. Trim as close as possible with scissors.
3. Shave with the direction the hair grows to avoid razor burn. Then go against to get super close. Note to guys: at this point, use a mirror if necessary, and let the woman get near the super-sensitive areas.
4. Send pics to El Señor.
5. Use lots of alcohol-free lotion immediately after.

Good luck, and happy scratching!

El hairy,
Señor Fecund

Pike

Señor Sex responds:

If you've been consuming large amounts of acid lately, there's your answer right there.
Otherwise, read previous advice I've given on semen taste. If you're still burning holes through the furniture, see a doctor.
(Jeez, acid? What have you been eating?)

The sweet tasting,
Señor Succulent

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