7 2001 2002 2003 24 captures 15 Feb 97 - 8 Jun 03

New adventures in equal time, organ shapes and our elders ...

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Señor Sex is rapidly growing. And his Web site isn't doing too bad either. He's always ready to answer your questions about anything sex related. Bring your questions, however unusual, to his attention and he will put them on here promptly with a brilliant answer to solve whatever ails you. E-mail Señor Sex and watch your problems (but not your arousal) disappear.
If you are afraid to air your laundry, fine, we'll keep a running list of Q's an A's - you can't be the only one with your problem, right? Please specify to Señor Sex whether you want your real name used and if you would like your e-mail address hyperlinked.

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(April 26)
From Señor Sex:

Like me on most good nights, this web site has exploded all over, soiling the web with its influence and leaving it sticky with its presence.
We were listed as a Site of the Day by Beauty's World, and have been included in several other listings. Thank you all, mis amigos, for your continued support, warm letters and boxes of contraceptives you've sent. I'll be putting them all to good use.
One small technical thing -- my Web lackeys tell me our counter has been acting funny lately. We were up to about 4,000 hits, then the thing frizzed out like a shorted out vibrating device. It was reset, then fixed, so it's not totally accurate, but very close, like a drunken Señor after a tequila binge. Now, on to the sex!
And, as always, if you need good advice from me, send your questions to senor@senorsex.com, the address of one of my lackeys.

Señor Sex got e-mail from an 23-year-old woman who wants equal time:
She writes:

Dearest Señor:

I have a lover who is absolutely superb in the arts of the bedroom. He has the ability to drive me to earth-shattering orgasms at just one touch. But I'm at a loss as to what I can do to him pre-horizontal that he would enjoy. What's the best way to drive a man crazy before you blow his ... ahem ...mind?

Señor Sex responds:

The first thing I'd like to know is if this is Señor Sex you're talking about.  Have we met?
If not, then I suppose I can help you by telling you what most men would like in your man's, er, position.
Many men are are a little surprised when the women they're with take the initiative and take control of the bedroom because they've been brought up to believe they're supposed to be conquering matadors in bed, taming the bull by waving their red thing around. It is ingrained that they are the seducers and should lead the couple down the brimstone path to Fornication Falls.
If you want to drive your lover crazy during foreplay, or even pre-foreplay, pay much attention to him tell him how much you desire him, and take control once in a while. Catch him while he's not too busy doing something else, throw him on the ground and straddle him like the stallion he is.
Kiss him all over, run your hands up and down his body and make lots of noise. Respond to anything he does.
Most men, even the ones who don't admit it, like being talked dirty to. Bring a four-letter word thesaurus to bed and let the shameful whisperings begin.
Wear something extremely sexy to bed and let him watch as you strip it off. Tease him with your feminine wiles and don't make it too easy for him -- remember, he still has to retain some of his Conquistadorian bravura.
As you progress in your actions, transition into more overt sexual actions, including overtures to oral sex and invitations to touch you in special places. Try some of the foreplay tips I gave Yvette in the last Señor Sex page.
Good luck ... and are you sure you're still not talking about El Señor?

Señor Sex investigates the shape of his ... desire in another letter.

An anonymous young man writes:

I have a problem that I was hoping you can educate me about. My penis, when hard, becomes a little bent. First of all I wanted to know if it has anything to do with the more times I ejaculate and I wanted to know if it interferes with sex. I would appreciate an answer. Thank you.

Señor Sex responds:

After sticking my own penis into a glass of water to see the refraction and get a feel for your problem, I realized something: I have read of this problem before in a scholarly journal (Cosmo's agony column, if memory serves), and chances are it is just a structural quirk in the blood vessels inside your little buddy. That means it has nothing to do with the number of ejaculations you have, so feel free to bless the world with your Manjuice™ again.
So either deal with it, put a splint on it, or use it to your advantage.
A female friend of mine reported after sex with a young man with a bowed boner that his curved Cassanova was quite pleasurable because it hit a few unused spots.
So be proud of your Member of Society. It's good to have a distinctive penis, kind of an erotic calling card, and since tattoos are so expensive, just enjoy your factory equipment.

Señor Sex got a silly letter from Norman Oklahoma:
Ryun Patterson writes:

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am a senior a the University of Oklahoma and I am wondering if you had any advice for my sex life, this being the "Senior Sex" page. I have a girlfriend, but how does my educational status make me special, different and/or aberrant/deviant? Or, if you don't mean that kind of "Senior," how can I pick up a senior citizen and woo her/it? What should I know before trying to bed one of the cafeteria ladies or any random secretary?
Please help me. My hopes and dreams of senior sex rest on the expert of the "Senior Sex" page. Will you help me?  What would I weigh if I lived in Botswana? If a plane crashed on the US/Canada border, were would I be buried? Would my name be pronounced with a French-Canadian accent? Am I rambling? What is the full length of the "Chunnel?"

Señor Sex responds:

I've concluded, Ryun, that you are a very silly person and that I shouldn't answer your letter.
However, I had a change of heart and decided it was okay. Oh, by the way -- are you the same guy that wears the sombrero?
No, Ryun, this isn't a place to discuss your academic placement (although other kinds of placement discussion are welcome here), but if you do have an elder fetish I think I can help you.
People of elder age were brought up in a different era than the rest of us horny bastards. Whereas we had MTV, porn and perfume commercials, they had Gone With the Wind, Howdy Doody and snuff films that were barely discernable on 16mm than the films they watched in early Driver's Ed.
So you can't walk up to your cafeteria mistress and say, "Hey, baby. The word of the day is 'Legs.' So why don't we go back to my place and spread the word?" Believe me, Señor Sex has learned this doesn't work the hard way.
Bring her posies, offer to rub her arms down with Ben Gay and ask her how her joints are doing. You'll be glad you did. Oh, and I think it goes without saying that you should always have her hooked to an EEG monitor if you think the night will be especially passionate.
Since I don't know what you weigh now, I can't tell you what you'd weigh in Botswana. If your plane crashed on the border, the chunks of your body would be flown to your U.S. hometown unless you're from Canada and as for the length of the Chunnel, mine at least is about 10 inches.

Other advice pages and a Señor Sex biography are also available. To get to them and see more of Señor Sex's famous advice, fondle the links below: